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Post by Charlotte on May 5, 2005 17:11:09 GMT -5
I nodded as Maya pointed out the changing unit, not able to understand a word she was saying. It was all flying over my head and I felt completely useless. I shifted Zoe in my arms, trying to find a comfortable position. I tried to listen to what Maya was saying but I couldn’t concentrate, everything since leaving the hospital felt weird, I kept looking over my shoulder, expecting Jay to have followed me.
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Post by Maya on May 5, 2005 17:19:58 GMT -5
I sighed, stopping and moving to the kitchen to make tea. Charlie frowned vaguely.
"Sit down." I ordered her. "And calm down. And stop freaking about that guy cos i'm trying really hard not to pry and it aint easy when ur mentally screaming his name at every squeaky floorboard."
She swallowed nervously and sat down on the coach, laying the baby in her lap. I made the tea and placed one mug on the table beside her, then sat down myself, cradling my mug in my hands. "It's gonna be ok, Charls, you know that, right?"
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Post by Charlotte on May 5, 2005 17:25:17 GMT -5
"No." i admitted. "I don't know that. Every time I think it will be I get scared I'm forgetting something that i should be scared of."
"You can relax now, you have people to help you and watch your back."
"I know." i said playing with Zoe's fingers. "It's just I keep seeing it, the last time he...y'know...before I ran away and i just remember how helpless I was. I mean I don't have any kind of slayer power but i know how to fight and i'm damn good at it but with him...I had no defence and I just can't forget that feeling."
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Post by Maya on May 5, 2005 17:31:24 GMT -5
"I know what you mean." I sighed.
"No you dont." She scoffed, "your power..."
I shook my head,
"You've missed some stuff lately, Charlie... When my brother attacked me after he was sired, until the last moment, i couldnt fight back... i couldnt bring myself to hit him. I cried, and i ran, but i couldnt fight him, not until the last second... and now... theres a vamp in town, Charlie... Orestes. Hes the guy that sired my brother. He set a trap for me, used Doc to lure me to him... i fought his cronies, but when i saw him i felt like a kid... i was shaking. I dont know that i'll be able to fight him either. So... i know how you feel. I really do."
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Post by Charlotte on May 5, 2005 17:47:14 GMT -5
"I'm sorry." I said. I had been so preoccupied and ok with good reason but still i hadn't even thought about what I might have arrived in the middle of. "But you'll manage to fight him, you always do. I know you can get through this kind of stuff even if it takes a while. i just wish I knew the same about myself, every time the going gets tough I seem to run from it. When i was travelling, fighting on my own i thought I was chasing the big evils, now I can see I was running from a different kind of evil. After Aila disappeared i took the coward's route. You even told me I hadn't killed her and I still couldn't face myself. And now...I jsut feel like I did it again, like there was something i didn't do that i should have and it's always like that. Even though I know it, even though i thought i learnt my lesson each time, when my mum was vamped, when my dad died, apparently I haven't and i keep letting these things happen. You don't, sooner or later you find a way to stop them, you find the courage i just don't have."
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Post by Maya on May 6, 2005 10:58:20 GMT -5
"But you do, Charlie... and I run away too, remember? When joshua came back with Avalon... i couldnt take it. I should have been over the moon, but instead i couldnt deal because it was too difficult. I ran away, and you took care of me. You were the strong one." I sighed, "Everyone has their moments of strength and moments of weakness... you just got keep forging ahead and take the bad with the good..." I chuckled, "Even, as seems to always be in our lives, the bad is far more abundant."
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Post by Charlotte on May 6, 2005 13:01:34 GMT -5
"Guess we're just as bad as each other." I sighed gloomily. "Alcohol seems like a good solution."
"Except you have Zoe to look after so being drunk might not be such a good move." Maya replied responsibly.
"I could get someone else to look after her for a bit." I protested. "Doc? Jessy? I mean they're her family too."
"Yeah but you're her mother Charlie."
"Fine," i grumbled. "So, more baby stuff?"
"There's always more." Maya said smiling. "And just when you get the hang of it she'll be too old for it all."
"Great." I mumbled and got up, trying to get my mind focussed on Zoe rather than Jay...and Doc.
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Post by Maya on May 6, 2005 13:09:19 GMT -5
"Here, i've got a bunch of clothes, they're totally adorable- i swear i'd do it all again for the excuse to buy baby clothes..."
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Post by Charlotte on May 6, 2005 13:48:53 GMT -5
"I don't think that's gonna make it all better." I said seriously.
"BUt still its gonna help, look how cute this is."
Ok so it was ultra adorable but I couldn't believe how into it all Maya was. I guess that's the result of missing your kid growing up.
"Maya I think I'm just gonna take a few essentials and..."
"And what Charlie? Go and stress some more? You need to get into this kind of thing, it'll all become natural."
"I don't want it to be natural." I blurted out. It was strange how much feelings could change so quickly, at the hospital I had been quite coming round to the idea of having a daughter but all this stuff was making it real. "I'm not even twenty and I've already messed up so much, i have a kid whose father and I aren't together, I've had some of the lousiest relationships ever, I've left my home, I've abandoned my job. My dad would be so disappointed in me." I couldn't believe how much of an emotional rollercoaster I was riding but i burst into sobs, sitting on Maya's floor with Zoe bawling in my unaccommodating arms.
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Post by Maya on May 6, 2005 18:20:08 GMT -5
I knelt beside her and hugged her tight,
"You're way too hard on yourself Charlie! I turned twenty yesterday, i have a 17 year old daughter whose father i've never slept with..."
Charlie's head popped up,
"You guys still havent...?" She exclaimed. I chuckled,
"Nope."
"But..."
I shrugged,
"It's just never... yknow... needed to... probably will at some stage, but i dunno... i dont think im ready..."
"Hang on. You've never...?"
"No." I exclaimed defensively. "Why do you sound so surprised?"
"Sorry, i just presumed..."
I gave her a mock scowl, and shook my head,
"Na, im all innocent." I smirked.
"You wish." She laughed, and i smiled genuinely. She'd be ok.
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Post by Charlotte on May 8, 2005 7:18:10 GMT -5
"Right. NOw we've stopped you crying maybe you should do the same for Zoe." Maya suggested.
"What do I do?" I asked. "I don't know what the matter is."
"Try some things. Maybe she just needs to be comfortable or maybe she wants feeding. Maybe she's too cold or too hot or just wants attention."
"That's a lot of things that could be wrong. Where should I start?"
"At a guess, I'd try attention. Here, shift your arms a bit, cuddle her." Maya moved my arms to make Zoe more comfortable and I gently rocked her.
"She stopped." i exclaimed after a minute.
"YEah, she did." MAya agreed smiling.
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Post by Maya on May 8, 2005 16:03:59 GMT -5
Zoe stopped crying, her little cheeks pink from tears, and hiccuped once or twice, before cooing happily, and a smile spread on Charlies face as she watche her. I sat back and watched as Charlie talked nonsense to her new born, and the baby giggled. They'd be ok.
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Post by Charlie on May 21, 2005 2:43:27 GMT -5
"So Zoe, which outfit s'you think you'd look good in?" I asked, more to myself than the baby.
"Maybe we should avoid reds in case she's a red-head like you." Maya suggested. "Pink's always good for baby girls."
"Yeah but isn't it a bit too...girly." I wrinked my nose at the thought. "I mean she's one tough baby." As if to prove my point Zoe grabbed hold of my hair and yanked. "Owwwwww" I whimpered. "Why do babies like to do that so much, especially ones with super strength?"
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Post by Maya on May 21, 2005 6:08:33 GMT -5
I chuckled,
"I think they like the noises it causes." I said as Zoe giggled happily.
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'I could so save the world if somebody handed me superpowers.'
